So Momsters, here I am on the otherside of CF. I know you are wondering what it is like. I know I always wondered but then most of the Momsters I knew would disappear. I had very little contact. So this is not something I have had any pre-experience with.
I assure you there is still peace.
I'm not going to start to lie to you now so I will tell you there has been some stress. Trying to work out the logistics of a funeral that involves very large families, and logistics that span travel time of nearly an hour, wasn't easy. But each time I thought I would crack trying to figure it out God put someone there who gave me the perfect answer. Pastor Naumann figured out the timing and then a place for visitation. Pastor Weigand figured out the logistics through our church at Faith. Dale Witte is working out the music and the Van Deurzen's figured out the place to have the Eulogy. Bear is figuring out the ride and Mike's final requests. Derek, Mikey's first cousin, is taking care of directing the whole thing. He is doing a beautiful job. When I mess up he just fixes it for me. How strong he is to do this for Mikey.
There have been little snags in the plans. Things we will have to let go of like the belt with the belt buckle Mikey wanted to be buried in. I wish I could find it but it is a temporal thing and Mike is in Eternity now. I'll just keep doing the best that I can.
My heart feels so full. I have so many blessings. I have fond memories. There are little leaps of joy followed by tears of sadness.
The tempter is still here because the tempter is gonna tempt. He wanted to give me a good poke yesterday but my hubby Paul gently guided me. And I could feel that my brothers and sisters in Christ are still praying for me. Big Mike assured me too. The tempter wants my focus to go to me right now. He wants me to think about all the things I did wrong. He wants me to second guess the decisions that had to be made. We don't have to put up with that NOISE. God promises forgiveness even when we make mistakes. God promises to take those thoughts away and he did. So far I can assure you that God has kept all of his promises. I have focus and peace. I want to mourn and honor my son and my God.
What there isn't here on this side of CF is despair. No despair. Yes, there is sorrow. Yes, there are tears. But there is so much comfort from the comforter. No worry. No anxiety. But there is still love and faith and hope.
I have heard from a few new Momsters, welcome. I will get back to you soon.
Keep praying. Peace and blessings to you!
P.S. Dear God, There are lots of people mourning down here. Can you give them comfort too? I know you will if they ask you. The funeral is going to be beautiful God. Pastor Naumann is going to use some of your words to comfort all of us. And per Mike's request it will be short, which doesn't seem fair because now he is with you and he gets to pray and praise all day.
People are saying Mikey's an angel. I know that's not true. You told us you created the angels and you created us separately. We have a soul and Mike's soul is in heaven. I know he's not looking down on us either God. That would be torment and Mikey is in heaven. Thank you for putting that great chasm between us. (Luke 16:26) I know Mike wouldn't want to see our pain, he finally got to leave all this pain and we are so happy for him.
I know only you hear me Lord. You take good care of my little Mikey. Oh, my little Mikey, my little Mikey. I miss him God. I cant wait to see all of you. But I will be here, faithfully finishing out the plans you have for me. Joyfully, God, joyfully.
One of the brothers just drove by God, did you hear him? They promised me that when they are in the area they will go by and rev the pipes a bit. You see, whenever I would hear those loud pipes I would say, "Mikey's home." And God I still say that when the brothers do that because MIKEY IS HOME. Thanks for taking care of him God. You're the only one who could do a better job than his father and me.
That's all for now God. Thank you for keeping the tempter away from me. I have lots of other things to thank you for but that will be for another time. You see my heart.
P.S.S. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and blessings to our family. Thank you is not enough for all the blessings we continue to receive. Bless you, bless each and everyone of you. Thank you for continuing to support us while we mourn. Love, love, love.