HOPE

1 Peter 3:15 “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”

Mike left this world four weeks ago this morning. On a Sunday. I am so confident in where Mike is.

Time of Grace 7/25/83 to 9/28/14

 When Mike was younger and before HIPPA we were asked many times if we would talk to CF families with newly diagnosed children. Mike always enjoyed this. He was always happy to share how he could swallow handfuls of pills. He would share that he did his therapy every day. It was easy to see that he was a happy child.

There was a time we were asked if we would talk to a family, but then the family really wasn’t ready. I remember that the couple who had this child (she was 3-5) was an older couple. They both had children from previous marriages and then together they had this precious little girl. Some of the older siblings had children of their own. They all came – visibly upset. The young girl seemed like she was doing really well, but this was a shock for the family.

When it came time to start the IV, the young girl was taken to a treatment room. This was standard practice. Children never had to worry that something would happen in their room. They were taken to a treatment room. The little girl started to cry and the mom (who had been waiting outside) grabbed the door to go in and found it locked. Her husband, knowing that she would not be able to handle the situation, locked her out. She began to bang on the treatment door. Mikey’s room was just across the hall. She finally stopped and composed herself. She saw me and came into our room, “Why aren’t you freaking out over this? Your son has CF!”

John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; 

trust also in me.” (Jesus speaking to his disciples)

My beautiful boy

I don’t know how others might react to difficult situations. I only know what has always worked for me. Stand on the promises of God. It has never failed me. When I look to anything else for comfort, hope and answers, I am disappointed and feel alone. But when I look to God, I am held up.

The night before Mike passed away we had some trouble with his morphine pump. This was turned into a blessing because it brought Mary, the hospice nurse, to our home. She fixed the morphine pump and assured us that Mike was doing well. He had been up to go to the bathroom and even got on his computer and phone.

It was time for bed and having been told that we were at least a day or so away from Mike’s last moments (as best as anyone could tell), I decided that I needed to get some rest. Amy (God bless her) stayed in with Mike and the rest of us went to bed. I took half a sleeping pill so I would at least get a couple of hours of sleep.

If you have read any of my past blog posts then you know about Mikey’s plan. Well, despite my efforts to sleep and despite Mike’s will, God moved forward with his perfect plan.

I miss him

Early in the morning the batteries on the morphine pump started to go out setting off an alarm that woke all of us up. I came in to check on Mike and he was out. Even the irritating beeping IV didn’t rouse him. Amy was calling the hospice number to find out how to fix it. I asked her to make sure they would send someone. I didn’t want to lose the program and have to redo it, because I wouldn’t know how. I decided I would take a shower because I didn’t figure I would be able to go back to sleep. I anticipated that hospice would be coming back soon.

Now, I want you to know that I don’t startle easily. I think most people know that. I can maintain pretty well in a crisis situation. It was interesting that all of the happenings of the previous several days made me jumpy. I had just gotten out of the shower and was about to grab my bathrobe when a VERY loud bang, bang, bang came on the door. I RUSHED out the door and Amy said, “It’s Mike!”

I ran to his room down the hall. I think I heard Amy or someone say something about he had to get up to go to the bathroom. The door was pretty much closed. I opened it just as his father was finishing helping him adjust his pajama bottoms. Mike looked right at me and then fell backwards on the bed. Not knowing yet what was happening I grabbed a syringe of morphine and laid down next to him. He made a couple attempts at getting air - in small gasps. I started to reassure him that Jesus had done everything for him . . . Katie walked into the room past me and around to his head on the bed. I was on Mike’s right side. His father on his left. Mike picked up his head a bit and then turned it to the right and looked directly up and past my head. Jesus was there in the room to take him home. But Mike was still with us and I was puzzled as to why. And then I remembered . . . I told Mike I would put his hand in Jesus’ hand and so I reached down and took Mike’s hand. I looked back up at Mike and he never took another breath. He was at peace. He was with his Savior.

I don’t believe it was Mike holding back in those last few moments. I believe that Jesus gave me that last signal to let me know that he indeed was there to take Mike home and I could let him go. It was beautiful. I was so blessed to be in the room as my son was carried off to heaven. I am so confident in where Mike is right now. And this brings me such comfort when I miss him.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what 

we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I did not get to see what Mike saw. But my faith tells me I can be certain that heaven is real and that when we leave this world we will be carried to heaven by our Savior. It gives me hope. Hope for a future in heaven with my Savior. Hope that I will see Mike and Melinda and all those I love. Not because of anything I have or haven’t done but because I have a Savior who came and lived a perfect life for me and died and rose that I might live one day with him. I believe this with all my heart.

I am so confident he is in heaven.

I have my days that are difficult. I miss my Mikey. I do. But I know that this is a temporary thing. We are all asked to do hard stuff. So many people are asked to do things way harder than what I’ve had to. All I can do is continue to serve and glorify my God. I trust in him completely. Even to take away my pain. He does that with his promises of a perfect heaven when all this earthly stuff is finished. It brings me peace and joy and hope.

I hope it does for you too.
Blessings to you!